The provocative bestseller She’s Not There is the winning, utterly surprising story of a person changing genders. By turns hilarious and deeply moving, Jennifer Finney Boylan explores the territory that lies between men and women, examines changing friendships, and rejoices in the redeeming power of family. Told in Boylan’s fresh voice, She’s Not There is about a person bearing and finally revealing a complex secret. Through her clear eyes, She’s Not There provides a new window on the confounding process of accepting our true selves.

“Probably no book I’ve read in recent years has made me so question my basic assumptions about both the centrality and the permeability of gender, and made me recognize myself in a situation I’ve never known and have never faced . . . The universality of the astonishingly uncommon: that’s the trick of She’s Not There. And with laughs, too. What a good book.” —Anna Quindlen, from the Introduction to the Book-of-the-Month-Club edition.

Both Jennifer and Grace are brutally honest in how they feel; at times I found their honesty almost too painful to read.

But shouldn't everyone have a friend like Richard Russo! What a supportive and thoroughly caring person he is. Boylan's best friend, he writes a warm and loving afterward to this story.


A Return to Modesty, please.   March 19, 2004
 23 out of 76 found this review helpful

After reading the last page of this book, I am left both with tremendous pity for his wife and children, and a tremendous sense of contempt for Boylan. Not only they had to endure his selfishness, but on top of that he had to put in on writing. I will never forget what John Irving wrote as foreword to his short story "Almost in Iowa": "writing about your divorce constitutes a different form of child abuse". Well, eliminating the very last semblance of privacy for his family (for example, describing the last time he ands his wife made love) is as low as someone can get. I imagine that with the expensive medical treatments and operations, a book deal was mandatory.

What a selfish individual. His wife is who put it in best terms: he asked at one point how she was feeling, and she replied, "does it matter?" I give Boylan credit in that he transcribes all this in the book, not hiding the fact of his selfish, self-centered behavior. He forgot that once you bring human beings into this world, your life is not your own anymore. How he manages to beautify his manipulation and end up convincing himself that this is what-had-to-be makes me sick. "Realities ignored prepare their own revenge".

A friend asked him after his transformation if his sense of irony was the first thing to go. Obviously not. As a good-bye ceremony to his manhood, Boylan cannot choose anything better than peeing against a tree. He uses his grandmother's silver to examine his son's stool, looking for a marble. He writes a letter to NASA asking to be the first transsexual in space. He even got a reply, and I resent him for eliciting a waste of my tax dollars. I couldn't stand the self-congratulatory reproduction of all the great letters of support and admiration he received. After her tirade against Nora Ephron, he covers all basis by excusing his exuberance with a "sorry, but i'm going through my teenage years right now!"

I closed the book feeling that Jim Boylan is just a vain and egotistical individual. A Return to Modesty, please.


A good book on a complex subject   September 9, 2003
 20 out of 23 found this review helpful

I went into reading this book with more then a bit of skepticism, having seen other examples of transgender people telling their story fall short of what I have known and experienced (yep, I am a transgender M to F myself). Anyway I was pleasantly surprised by this book. Ms. Boylan writes with a grace and a style that made the book easily readable and one for me that I wanted to read, rather then had to read.

Some people might criticize the relatively light tone she takes with some of the darker issues she had to face (like a disapproving sister) but after reading so many doom and gloom tales that over emphasize that side, this was a breath of fresh air.

As someone like Ms. Boylan who is going through transition as a family (with some differences in terms of family dynamics) I can say that the emotions she writes about, her and of those around her, if lightened up, are real. Her spouse deals with this differently then many spouses would, for sure, but the pain and the hurt expressed is true in my experience. Likewise, the uncertainty of people around a transitioning person is portrayed very well here, especially in the relationship with her friend Richard Russo. I am glad that Jenny made the point that not only is the person transitioning, so are the people around them.

I also would like to comment on some of the other reviews, who imply that Jenny "glossed over" the pain of her family, or implied she was some sort of typical middle age man just "doing his own thing". I suspect if she glossed over the raw emotions it was to protect her family and their privacy, not about trivializing them. As far as this being some sort of middle age crisis and a 'choice', forget it. As someone who is there, I can tell you it is no choice when someone transititions at this age (or later), by then it is do this or perish as a person.

I recommend this book to all readers, no matter of who they are. It is well written, and I think it serves as a gentle and informative (though not complete) portrayal of a complex subject and of someone finally becoming themselves.


What is this book all about?   June 26, 2004
 20 out of 42 found this review helpful

I think that I would have liked James Boylan very much - a bright, articulate, witty and decent person (by his own account, admittedly). But Jennifer Boylan cannot for the life of her present herself or her cause in any way that elicits sympathy or understanding or even good will. "She's Not There" is a congratulatory and self absorbed memoir of a man becoming a woman, believing that s/he was born a female in a male body. She never makes the case convincingly, however, despite filling almost 300 pages.

I simply do not understand what Boylan is trying to accomplish with this book. She doesn't seem to try to capture the hearts of her readers - say, by portraying the reality or the anguish of being transgendered and the absolute necessity, to her at least, of her actions. One could take this as a failure of her writing skills if she did not in the end simply shrug it all off as "a mystery". One is left then with the unpleasant conclusion that the author is an extraordinarily selfish person who loves the limelight and who is equally indifferent to the needs and desires of those who love her faithfully, and to the legitimate expectations of her readers.


Interesting and entertaining!   July 30, 2003
 19 out of 22 found this review helpful

Jennifer Finney Boylan's book offers a look into the true story of the life of a transgendered person. In it she recounts her struggles to be male, all the while feeling inherently female in the wrong body. As a mismatched mind and body, the author gives the reader a sense of the confusion that results, that is, until the day James realizes that, he would be happier if he became a woman. From childhood through adulthood, including marriage as a man to a woman and fatherhood, Ms. Boylan takes the reader through the process of hormone therapy and surgery to become Jennifer, all the while gently and lovingly working through the bumps of taking longstanding relationships along for the ride.

Boylan presents her life story with sensitivity, warmth and humor making it a very good read. I recommend this book for its entertainment value and the opportunity it presents to educate the reader about this little known condition.